Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
