i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
farters have to be the big spoon...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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