Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
