Tell her she can't have a vagina
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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