I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
