im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
