I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
