Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
