Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
