I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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