where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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