As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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