Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
