My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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