If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
