i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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