A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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