i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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