Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
