What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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