I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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