apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
