i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
