i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
