so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
