it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
