no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
