I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
