Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
