i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
