drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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