he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
