All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
