Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
