you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
