I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
