I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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