dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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