By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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