our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
