i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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