I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
