I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
