Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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