The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
