So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
