Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
God, I missed his penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize