I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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