OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
