Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
