The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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