I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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