we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
