My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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