Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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