those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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