so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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