i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My life is pants optional.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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