Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize