I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize