My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
