This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
