I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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