She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
