her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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