We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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