nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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