Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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