Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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