How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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