You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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